The Final Night on Kilimanjaro

Stage 3. We left Kibo Hut at 10:30 pm in the dark for the final ascent. Our goal as a group was to get to the summit in 48 hours to set a world record for a group of women. Will we make it?

Before we left we ate again, dressed warmly in many layers, had some warm tea, and packed all the other essentials in our daypacks. 

One of the women in the group, Michaela, was menstruating heavily and decided that she had lost too much blood and didn’t have the energy left to climb the final stage. It was a sad moment for her and all of us too as she was committed to the climb. As women we have so many complex issues to deal with that are often overlooked on an epic climb like this. We all agreed to walk with her spirit with us. 🙏💕

The guides were concerned about my footwear. Wearing sandals was concerning them because everyone of my toes were injured and they would be exposed to a lot of rock scree. I rarely walk on unknown terrain in darkness because I once sliced the ball of my foot open when I jammed it into a steel rod sticking out of the ground in Florida. So I decided to wear my Xero Shoes Day Hikers with thin wool socks. The guides kept insisting we were two pairs of socks, because if how cold it would be on the mountain. Their concern is once you get cold in one area of your body it’s almost impossible to warm up. Earlier I saw that there was snow at the top of the mountain, so I heeded their advice to wear shoes but this meant my sense of feeling and being connected to the ground was severely impaired by the soles of the shoes. 

In the liminal moment before we stepped outside, I thought about my mindset. In the Wim Hof Method, mindset is one of the pillars of the practice. This moment, instead of feeling the usual “Sue” bull headed approach to just getting the job done, at all costs physically and mentally, I felt different. I was at peace. The degree of respect I was given to lead the pace the day before, and the humble honouring I’d experienced from the crew and all the women in our group as Mamma Simba, had filled my soul. It was almost as if I didn’t have a need to climb any longer. (Did I say that out loud?) I had nothing to prove to myself or to anyone else. Maybe I had come to the mountain to be seen and heard as an elder, rather than someone who can do anything at any age???

I knew some of these women would make it to the top, as they were incredibly fit and driven to succeed at all costs. They reminded me of myself  when I walked 800 kms on the Camino alone the first time, or when our rowing crew won a gold medal at the World Masters! 

Since we only had about 6 kms to go, though in extreme altitude, I stayed focussed on the goal at hand and once again, our guide put me in the lead pace position behind Boss, our summit guide. (I couldn’t pronounce his name so I nicknamed him Boss!)

We stepped out into the darkness with headlamps on and began the ascent. The stars glittered in the dark sky and our headlamps lit up the path in front of us. On the mountain there were small stones piled deep and very slippery, as well breathing was extremely difficult, and the darkness made it more confusing for me because I was in shoes and couldn't feel the ground with my feet. The pace was perfectly comfortable. Occasionally we stopped for “sippy sippy” water breaks and a couple of times we had to pause because groups going faster wanted to pass us.

I climbed in a state of flow. I didn't need to speak, only breath through my nose.

At some point, there was a tall woman in an orange coat who appeared in front of Boss, and there was another man in front of her. Boss kept calling her by the name Sharon. She was really struggling and would often stop suddenly, and Boss would stop to hold her up by her back and encourage her onward. This meant that I had to stop and our whole group had to stop every time this happened. It occurred to me that I was no longer setting the pace for our group and my brain wasn’t able to help me stop and sort out a solution with Boss. The pace was slower than I wanted and I felt that I was letting the group down. This played havoc on my mind and I was losing focus. 

I became more and more dizzy and off-balance each time Boss suddenly stopped. I would often take a step backwards or sideways and then have to regroup and step forward again, doubling the energy required to keep the momentum going up and forward. At one point we stopped so fast that I slipped and fell to my knees to save myself from falling backwards. Thankfully, my team mate Lina was behind me and she was there to catch me and then help me back up on my feet. 

5 hours passed. 

The climb was so steep that I had to bend forward but I remember hearing someone say “don’t lean too far forward and try to stay upright”, but it felt like I was going to fall backwards. Really, all I could think about was breathing through my nose. Wim had connected with our group before we left to give us a pep talk and his advice was to "breathe more than we think we need". So I did.

Then suddenly out of nowhere I vomited, and then I vomited 2 more times. The group waited patiently behind me and Boss turned around when he heard me. He said that I would feel much better now. He was right, it was the best “puke” I’ve ever had. No acid reflex, no smell, no sore throat or nostrils, and my stomach felt great. I was convinced I could go on. 

He asked if I had a headache, but I didn’t but I finally told him I was extremely dizzy and off balance. He encouraged me to walk over to a rock to sit down and in moving toward the rock, I almost slid down the mountain when he caught me. One of the other girls, Sandra, sat down beside me as she had also just thrown up. We leaned into each other for support. 

When on the mountain there was so sense of time for me. Moments later I looked up and I watched our group of strong determined women walk quickly past me in single file, heading up the mountain without me. I remember looking into each one of their eyes with this odd feeling they were leaving me there and I wasn’t joining them. I felt a deep sense of pride and support for them to reach the summit. It gave me the feeling that maybe I was sending them off to complete the task without me or maybe they chose to complete it without me. It wasn’t that I had given up, it was an understanding that at this time in my life, I didn’t need to fight for this. I didn't need confirmation that I had made it, I didn't need a certificate. I had lead them to a place where it was absolutely clear it was time for me to let them go. 

I had nothing to prove myself or anyone else for that matter. The journey was perfect and I was ready to go back down. 

Our lead guide Maick arrived with oxygen. He said I could take some now and then walk up to Gilman’s Point, which he pointed to just up the mountain, and maybe I could take some more then. I sat down and breathed in the oxygen, but when I went to stand up again, I couldn’t get my balance and fell over. 

At this point, my brain and my body had absolutely no sense of space or time in the darkness. I believe that not having my bare feet to guide me and my brain safely, I was at a huge disadvantage. I didn’t have the wherewithal to take my shoes off, but I suspect that would’ve made a difference and besides it would have been very cold.

Maick suggested that if the oxygen didn’t work that maybe I would have to return down the mountain with one of the guides. It didn’t take much for me to agree with him. I immediately offered gratitude to the mountain and turned away from the summit to go down. 

I felt complete even though I was lost on the mountain and unable to fully discern the danger of continuing to climb. I guess I’ll never know if I would have made it but I’m at peace with what I did. I’m Mamma Simba. 

Maick told me that I was near the top, at 5600 meters (18,372 feet)! I looked at the time, it was now 4 AM. Just over 5 hours of climbing near the top of the mountain.

My guide, Innoscent, lead me down the mountain. He was so concerned about my welfare as he told me he felt obligated to get “Mamma Simba” to the bottom of the mountain safely. We slide down the mountain at times, with the stars shining a light on the scree to lead the way. It took us at least an hour and a half to get back to Kibo Hut. When we arrived, Michaela happened to be outside she ran towards me to greet us and we embraced like long lost friends. 

6 of the 9 women made it to the summit Uruhu Peak in 46 hours and completed the goal to set a world record for all of us. I'm thrilled to have climbed the section of Kilimanjaro, the tallest free standing mountain in the world, that I completed and felt the mystical energy of being in extreme altitude with very little time to adapt. It's enough.

🙏

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